FEELING LONELY


Some look for you, Lord,
In your sun, in your moon
In your stars.
Some actually look for you, Lord,
In the faces of the others.
Some look for you, Lord,
In the many acts of kindness
That occur every moment of every day,
Often overlooked and missed by the rest of us.

I look for you here, Lord,
Here in the bed next to me.
I even look under the bed
Or in the closet,
‘Case you’re playing hide ‘n seek,
A game the psalmists seem to think
You play our entire life, Lord.

I look for you in the kitchen
Next to the coffee pot,
Or in the garden
Where I've often seen you,
Planting and watering.
I look for you at your station, Lord,
Where you make the others
Beautiful and becoming.
My obsession to keep looking
Everywhere,  
More than I can resist, Lord.

Today, Lord,
You’re nowhere to be found
Except in my heart, of course.
I know, Lord, how picky can I be?

I can eat and drink, Lord,
I can take pleasure in every imaginable way
To fend off feeling the loss,
Opening the gate to all the losses,
Losses I have no desire to grieve,
Yet I grieve them again and again. 
There’s no escaping,
A cruel part of your magnificent creation, Lord,
Or is it sweet?

What?
Stop searching?
Just rest, Lord?
Rest in your presence in my heart and soul
Knowing you are here?

Sounds inviting, Lord,
Sounds simple enough.
But I need something else,
A smell, a touch, a whisper,
Anything.

You’ve given me all of those, Lord?
I guess you have.
I know, I’m never satisfied,
That’s how you made me, Lord!

So I can accept myself, Lord
Just as you created me
And continue looking?
Or I can rest
As you suggest?
M-m-m.
What a choice!
And how strange
It’s not even enough
You're actually carrying on
This conversation with me, Lord.


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